just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
