K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
