I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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