She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
