you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
