i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
