He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
