went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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