this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize