I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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