Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize