i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
