I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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