Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
