so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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