we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
