You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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