my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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