I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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