We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
