New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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