Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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