thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Actions speak louder than pants.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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