the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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