ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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