Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
