If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
