dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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