Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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