If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
