whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
