omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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