i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
