Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
