So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
