Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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