Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
