I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
