her vagine was all disorganized.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
