Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
