I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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