So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
