I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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