Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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