dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
