the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
