I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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