I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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