Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
