Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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