My sheets look like a crime scene.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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