I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
