AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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