we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize