I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
