i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
