I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
