When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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