Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it's like iHOP with fire
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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