I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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