I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
