I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
