Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
