Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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