Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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