At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this beer tastes like vomit already
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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