Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
