there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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