I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think my moral compass just broke
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize