is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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