Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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