Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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