just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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