this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
