On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
