I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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