No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
