From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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