I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
