u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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